Anti-Clone

Random Stuff

2004-02-15T01:20:11Z

I just realized I haven't been in as much of a thinking mood as I usually am. Possibly it has to do with the fact that I've been sick.

It just doesn't seem worth the energy right now. I'll come up with ideas but then they don't make any difference so I don't bother writing them down. It's not like I can really change anything anyway.

Yes, at one point I can make a difference in some little kid's life. I can make a person happier. Big deal. It's not a cure for cancer, it's not world peace. It's just one kid.

I want to do more than that. The average person can only affect so many people in their lifetime, it's pathetic. I want to be able to reach millions, to have some lasting impact.

Idiots like Avril Lavigne and Britney Spears have a world wide audience that listens to their manufactured bull shit. People cry when they see them just because they can lip sing relatively well. Yet the people who really can have some impact, the AIDS researchers, the quantum physicists, no one pays attention to them.

Teachers can barely live on the pay they get but Kobe Bryant makes millions just for throwing a ball through a hoop. When that happens is there really any point in trying anymore? It seems futile.

New Layout

2004-02-05T17:07:24Z

Brand new layout. Still Hanson. New Hanson. As in from their new promo pics. Very nice. I really must get photoshop though...

Oh look, I have a new layout

2004-01-17T00:27:17Z

Yes, I know, everyone hates Hanson. I don't care. I enjoy the nostalgia listening to their music brings me. Middle school was about the happiest time I've had so far and I rather like being transported back then.

I have to go through and re-convert the header image, my computer has been acting up and won't properly convert things to .jpg. Sometime next week I should get access to the campus photo editing computers so then I'll be set. Finally be able to make better graphics which will make me very happy. Expect a few million new layouts.

I'm Back

2004-01-12T21:15:08Z

Yes, I have been gone for a while. Life's been a bit hectic.

In any case, I was thinking recently about how it is no longer popular, or in some places even acceptable, to be patriotic. During WWI and WWII men and women were willing to sacrifice the style of life they were accustomed to in order to help their country. Men, young boys really, would sign up to give their lives on some foreign piece of land that they quite possibly had never heard of. Today the idea of dying for your country is almost looked down upon. We have gotten to the point where we have to consider the draft simply to have enough people to protect our borders. Women gave up their tea parties and pretty white gloves to work in factories building war planes. I will admit, in this day and age that isn't necessary, women can go to work anyway or they can join the service. How many of them actually do it to help their country? When the military men came back from war there were parades in their honor. Today we barely even notice that they were ever gone. What has happened to national pride?

I grew up saying the Pledge of Alligence every morning before class started. This continued until I was in the 6th grade. From then on we no longer had to pledge but we were to stand quietly until the others had finished. In high school the school did not say the Pledge as a unit but there were certain instructors who made time for it. Specifically in the JROTC class. We would stand up and say the pledge while at attention at the beginning of every class.

During sports events, we still stand for the National Anthem. In parades the military color guard often leads. Our high school graduations are begun by the National Anthem and occassionally a youth color guard. A few decades ago those things would automatically cause men to remove their caps and ladies to place their hands over their hearts, or at the very least, people would rise to their feet. Today I teach young kids basic Marine Corps values and I have to begin by teaching them what the National Anthem is. Where did we start losing our pride?

No, the United States is not the automatic winner it used to be. From the Korean War until now we have had to struggle to protect our freedoms. And I will not say that every decision made has been a good one. On the contrary, we have made quite a few bad decisions. However, it will do no good to cry about them. This is a democratic country, our leaders are voted for, we have the right to change things as we see fit. There is a time and place for that, it is on the ballot. Before war is declared go out and voice your opinion. After the decision has been made support those who are fighting for your freedom. You don't have to agree with the cause or the president, but those troops didn't vote to go to war. You can bet that they didn't want to leave their families and friends to die in some country they've never been to. They're doing it because they want their kids and grandkids and everyone else to enjoy the freedom that they have. If you don't like the war you can vote for a new president in the next elections.

Pointless Meme

2003-12-16T20:38:09Z

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My LiveJournal 12 Days
My True Love gave to me...
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11 binkss a-chuckling.
10 salinitys a-squeezing.
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8 new_snopess a-calling.
7 officialgaimans a-singing.
6 mangofandangos a-smooching.
5 white slashdot_unbans.
4 hollering explodingdogrsss.
3 Belgian wilwheatons.
2 gerbil memepools.
And a boingboing_net in a pineapple tree.
Get gifts! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

Persecuted Christians?

2003-12-09T19:45:34Z

I really don't understand the point some Christians are trying to make by claiming to be persecuted. We live in a highly Christianized society, it is not only the majority religion it is also a part of our government.

If Christians are persectued then why do we have so many problems passing gay marriage laws? Why do some schools insist on having a "moment of silent prayer" when they are government funded? Why do people have to swear on the Bible when they are a witness in court? I don't see any Christian churches being tagged on or burned down out there. Yes, I realize that the moment of silent prayer has had some severe cases against it, the fact remains that some public schools have it. The swearing on the Bible bit can be changed to another secular option but people still assume that they are going to swear on the Bible.

A truely secular country would not have such laws. There would be gay marriage for the reason that there is no secular reason to ban it. The only reason people believe it is wrong is because of religious morals. Personally, I see nothing wrong with being gay or bisexual, so long as another woman does not try to come onto me after I have made it clear that I am straight.

That moment of prayer would be gone. I have no problems with a child deciding to take a moment to pray quietly when they feel like it. When I still believed in God I often did so myself, usually before a large exam. I simply do not want to be forced to sit still and be quiet so that other people can use my time to pray. I also do not want my future children to possibly feel strange because everyone else in class is praying but they are not. There is also the fact that this is ultimately Christian prayer. I cannot picture an instructor allowing a Wiccan child to go through an entire ceremony during this moment.

The fact that we have the words "under god" and such things on our national currency and in our pledge are simply ridiculous. I am very much an atheist and while I don't find anything particularly offensive about this, I also do not believe it is appropriate. I have no problems saying the pledge during required ceremonies but I do refrain from stating the "under god" portion. The reason for this is obvious. "One nation, indivisible" sounds just as nice and gets the point across without offending anyone. What if the phrase was "One nation, under Buddha"? It is the same idea, only with a minority representation rather than a majority. As far as currency is concerned, "In God We Trust" is completely unacceptable. I don't trust God, I don't believe in it. Therefore I find it odd, although slightly amusing, that I pay my debts with a currency that affirms this so called belief of mine.

If Christians are so persecuted, then why do so many changes need to be made to this country in order to make it truely separated from the Christian Church?

Random Idiot

2003-12-03T22:03:13Z

Idiocy on atheism

I can't decide whether it would be more effective to ignore him or argue with him. Unfortunately, it's not exactly possible to do both.

CALL TO ARMS!

2003-12-02T18:07:54Z

Alright people, I'm bored. I need a debate issue. I don't care what it is as long as it's debatable. Serious, silly, something in between, I don't care. You can even pick a side for me to debate. I've done everything from ABBA vs. A*Teens to the different uses for a degree in Zionist Zoology so I'm open to ideas.

PLEASE GIVE ME SOMETHING TO ARGUE! I like getting up on my little soapbox.

Bitch

2003-11-18T20:37:05Z

I'm not usually into LJ drama but this girl annoyed me. It's the first time I've actually given someone a rating above 5 and she's being hissy.

I warned her that I happen to be rather bitchy about ROTC, it's part of who I am. Cadets are expected to behave in a certain manner in and out of uniform, it's part of the training. If she can't be bothered to capitalize things when she is so obviously putting herself out there as an example for other cadets then she hasn't lived up to her training.

Possibly she is a NROTC or AFROTC or even just plain ROTC cadet. That would be somewhat less painful for me. But she is still representing the US Armed Forces whether she wants to or not. My old SMI would have never tolerated that sort of behavior and I refuse to tolerate it with my Young Marines now.

People need to learn to live up to or exceed the standards set for them.

School as a microcosm of society?!

2003-11-14T00:35:08Z

What are people thinking? School is most definitely not a microcosm of society. If it were then we would all be ruled by the stupidest yet most attractive people in the world. Granted, some people believe that this is happening anyway.

The point is that when people say that school reflects who we are as a society they are placing far too much faith in teenagers who seem to believe that gucci bags are all that is important in the world. I just left high school and I can tell you that it is very different from what real people face in the world today. Yes, schools do show how a specific area is doing on a socioeconomic level, however, they can not show how society as a whole is functioning.

For instance, a large school in the middle of Central Los Angeles is going to reflect the unusually high poverty rates and abyssmally low literacy rates. Not due to anything the students are doing but because that school will have fewer services and supplies than a school in suburbian Campbell. This does not reflect society as a whole, however, because both the school in Campbell and the school in Los Angeles are part of society yet they have drastically different high school situations. Therefore we must come to the conclusion that high school is not a microcosm of society.

People

2003-11-13T17:57:29Z

For some odd reason people seem to believe me far more than they should. There are very few friends I have that know when to take me seriously and when I'm saying something simply to start an argument.

For instance, I'll often bring up existentialism as a way to start a good debate and then friends will believe that I fully accept the philosophy. In reality, I believe it has valid points but I appreciate it much more as a debating tool than as an explanation of the world. I don't subscribe to any single philosophy because none fit who I am and what I believe in. Instead I work on my own philosophy which, while insane, I believe to be more true than any other.

The problem seems to be that there are people who take the philosophies I know about and debate with as truth. I don't mean to but there have been times when a single argument on my part has brought them to believe in an idea. This is the reason I don't talk about my original philosophies with anyone, I am afraid they might start to accept it without a second thought.

There is also the fear of those that do know when to take me seriously might understand the theory. I've never had anyone truely understand anything I've come up with and the thought of someone finally being able to grasp what I mean is relatively disturbing. There is only one person that I worry about this with but that's enough to be unsettling.

I suppose my only choice is to simply practice careful consideration when I am talking to most of my friends and aquaintances. I really do prefer to speak my mind but I also don't want to be responsible for that much influence over other people.

Conflicts

2003-11-07T00:44:22Z

I've found that I have a slight problem with writing. Every time I begin a story I end up thinking of my characters as real people. I realize that it's simply a side effect of my possible insanity but that doesn't make it right. In fact, it only exacerbates the problem.

I enjoy writing, in fact I always thought of it as a way to use my constant day-dreaming to my advantage, however, if it is going to continue to make me lose my grip on reality I may have to stop. Poetry is relatively safe as there are no major characters to speak of. I also happen to be somewhat good at it. It's just that I truely do enjoy writing stories.

It's always been my way of escaping. To take anything that happened and put it into a story. Or to take something that didn't go the way I liked and recreate it the way I would have liked. I end up finding out more about myself that way.

I also dislike the idea of slipping back into a fantasy world though. It's completely unhealthy and only pushed me into an increadibly deep depression. Not to mention the dissonance I had to deal with.

Debating

2003-11-05T18:50:24Z

I don't understand why some people simply refuse to debate with me. I really am not as excellent at it as I seem to be. Most of what I say is nothing but drivel. I simply state that drivel in ways that seem relatively intelligent.

Come on people, I miss debating. Up north I had Matt to debate the time travel theories with, here it seems as if nobody cares.

Besides, debating is good for you. It requires thought, decent amounts of concentration, attention to detail, instantaneous reactions to counter arguments, and it could possibly raise your IQ. Not to mention colleges look favorably upon a person who can hold their own in an argument.

Debating also allows you to realize what your personal beliefs are. There is no better way to decide what is true to you than to tear down each and every pillar holding your personal ideals up. Not many teenagers can do that, argue their beliefs with the inner conviction that what they believe is true.

So you see, debating really is an increadibly rewarding activity. I honestly don't understand why more people don't attempt it.

Thoughts

2003-11-03T04:28:12Z

I've realized that I have my most intelligent ideas when I'm at school. The interaction with this one person seems to stimulate my brain to function at a higher level than it usually does. I can't entirely explain it.

I just know that when I talk to him I find myself thinking of things I wouldn't normally consider. I contemplate the meanings of words and the motivation behind a single movement. It's almost as if he brings my intelligence up by his presence.

I know that the idea is increadibly irrational but I can't help thinking it. We debate the smallest things and not only does he keep up (which is rare) but at times he makes me consider what the best argument would be. I have to focus on a higher level than is normal for me in order to maintain the upper hand for more than a second at a time. It's the most amazing feeling I've had in a while.

Most people refuse to debate with me. They either try and then give up or simply claim to agree with me all the time. It's increadibly disappointing. He's not like that though, he has ideas and opinions which is possibly the most attractive aspect of his personality.

I've found that the majority of the population is simply existing without any real purpose. They live, they die, and they never make an impact. Not a great one at any rate. I can't see him doing that. If there's anything I'm sure of it is that this person will be remembered. If not for eternity then at least for some years after everyone he knows has died.

Nanowrimo

2003-11-01T17:17:11Z

Nanowrimo has be on for 9 hours! This is awesome. I love nanowrimo. I have no idea what I will write about but I do know that it will be awesome.

My dad is trying to bribe me to get up and out of the house by using my hunger against me. I don't want to go outside and be social. I'd prefer to sit here and ponder what my story will be about. Oh well, I'm hungry.

Admissions

2003-10-31T18:13:23Z

I was talking to a friend yesterday and he started saying things about how I could easily be admitted into nearly any university I'd like if I went and got myself diagnosed with any of the mental "illnesses" I suspect myself of having. The fact is that there are several therapists and psychology majors who have already said that I'm probably depressed. No one knows about my fantasy characters other than a few close friends so that would be something to tell a therapist about.

I'm just not sure that I would want to use schitzophrenia as a way into college. It seems like such an easy way of doing things. I want to be accepted based on my intelligence and accomplishments, not because I just happen to have different brain processes.

Of course, it is for that very reason that I manage to understand things that usually confuse other people. Schitzophrenia diluted is genius and that is one of the few upsides to my condition. It is not extreame enough to warrant close supervision or medication, it is simply a part of my personality that I have to work to control. Just as a person who is overly emotional has to work to control their emotions, I have to work to control my brain impulses.

I suppose I will just wait and see how my semester grades turn out. If they are not as high as I expected I can always use the psychological advantage of being slightly insane. I have also included it in most of my essays so the admissions officers should automatically see the diversity I would bring to campus.

Religous Fundamentalists

2003-10-31T17:21:39Z

I don't understand why they call themselves fundamentalists in the first place. If we're going to go by a strict, literal intepretation of the bible then we have to go back to using the death penalty for those convicted of adultry. However, they seem to only use the fundamentalist viewpoint when it suits their needs.

There is nothing, I repeat, NOTHING in the bible that directly states that homosexuality is a sin yet fundamentalists will constantly quote a passage from Matthew that they claim identifies it as such. In reality, the passage is being taken out of context and if read literally only applies to the institution of divorce.

One can not automatically assume that because the bible says one thing that it inherently implies another. If that were the case then one could easily say that nearly anything is a sin. By making such arrogant assumptions as to what a higher power wants us to think we are only setting ourselves up for disaster.

Now, I am not a religious person, quite honestly I don't believe that the ideals of a religion do anything other than separate people from eachother. However, if another person decides to follow a religion they should at least agree on whether or not they will follow a complete strict interpretation or an entirely loose interpretation. You can not say that one part is to be loosely interpreted while another is to be kept very literal. That is in itself begging to be slaughtered in debate.

Writing

2003-10-31T05:12:11Z

Nearly every author I have ever enjoyed reading began writing as a way out of depression. I can't decided if that is because I enjoy reading the work of a depressed person or if it's because you write better when you have nothing to lose. There is also the possiblity that I identify with those authors better than happy ones.

I certainly hope that it doesn't mean I have to go into a deeper state of depression to consider myself a great writer. Nanowrimo is starting at 0000 on Saturday and I'm dying to start. I don't have a freaking clue as to what I'm going to be writing about but I want it to be good. Not just that random stuff that I wrote as an adolescent.

I want to be good. I want to move people, to make them think, make them fall in love with the characters and not even know why. I want to change them the way books changed me, opened my eyes to new worlds. There's a certain power that being a great author gives you and I want to tap into that.

It's not even so much the power...it's just the realization that someone other than myself values my work. I need that recognition. I'm not sure why though.

The educational system

2003-10-31T00:29:58Z

Why do we even have a public educational system if it's not going to be nationalized? I learned different things from what the kids in Alaska learned which is different from the things that kids in Colorado learned which is completely different from the stuff that kids in private schools learned. How can they call this equal education?

Even within the state the differences are vastly undercalculated. I went to a public high school in a suburb of San Francisco that offered Latin as an elective and had state test scores among the top 10%. Then I move to a school near the heart of Los Angeles and they can barely get the students to show up for gym, let alone Latin. I understand that we have limited funds, but shouldn't the money go to where it's most needed?

At the very least all teachers should be held to the same standards. There is a very large difference between an english teacher with a degree in english education and an english teacher who is merely an out of work actor. I've had both and the one with the degree is imensely more rewarding to work with. Not only because they know their subject but also because they care about it, made their living from it.

People are constantly talking about how the US educational system needs to be improved but they are unwilling to work for it. Not only would a better system require more funding, which means higher taxes, but it also would absolutely have to be nationalized. As long as students in different states are learning different material we will never have a truely equal educational system.

Time and reality

2003-10-30T23:18:32Z

It's strange how people worry about the future and contemplate the past but never try to enjoy the moment. In reality, the past, present, and future don't actually exist. Particularly the past and future.

Consider it, our only proof that the past existed at one point are the memories that exist in our head at this moment. If our memories change then the past changes. The only reason we have things like history are because those are things that humanity as a whole have decided to agree to keep as memories. If the majority of people decide to alter their memories so that the United States is a country older than England and it was the British who had to fight for their independence than who's to say that they're wrong? After all, if 99.9% of the people say it's true and only crazy people remember otherwise then it must be fact.

Then there's the future, how do we even know there is a future? We can't think about it, it doesn't have any real value. It's all fine and dandy to say that the train arrives in an hour and pretend that the future exists but if the train never arrives what does that tell us? You can say that the future exists in the abstract sense that eventually something will happen. But even then, we don't know that for sure. All we know is that at this precise moment there is something going on. One sescond from now all life could cease and we wouldn't know the difference.

Which forces us to the conclusion that the only true sense of time we have is the present. Although, once you begin to contemplate the present does it not become the past? And by becoming the past is it not open to change? This is why time has no intrinsic value.

Hrm...

2003-10-30T18:11:55Z

I've just realized that I am the only person on LiveJournal to have "teenage schitzophrenia" as an interest. The only other journal with it listed is grey_scale and that's me. Yes, I am a journal whore.

It just kind of makes me wonder if maybe I'm the only person who has to deal with this. I know, stupid, of course there are other teenage schitzophrenics out there. They wouldn't have made Donnie Darko if there weren't some people who had similar problems.

Granted, I don't believe I have full blown schitzophrenia. That's just the narcissist in me saying that I'm more important than I actually am. I really am screwed. Probably not as much as I think I am though. I tend to over exaggerate things in my mind. It's hard to stop, even when I'm being rational.

If you go by general symptoms then I have mild schitzophrenia, mild narcissism, mild to moderate bi-polar, mild ADD, and possibly (not likely) very mild paranoia. That's a lot of mild things that add up quite quickly. Yet, that doesn't bother me. I don't think I have most of it and if I do that's who I am. I couldn't change it if I wanted to, it's just a part of me.

That's what people don't understand about "mental illness." It's not an illness at all, just a part of the person like their hair color or body type. Some people think differently and in order for society to function the way it's used to they have to label these people as sick. I'm not saying that that idea is right, in fact, it's terrible, I'm just saying that that's how things are right now.

I'd like to believe that things will get better. That one day we will all be able to live in peace and harmony, but I don't think it's possible. Humanity is in itself imperfect and we can't change that. There are always going to be people who want to go against the norm and those are the ones that will be tortured by the majority. It is that lack of acceptance that will cause any utopia to disintegrate in a matter of minutes.

HA!

2003-10-30T15:21:47Z

I finally got this damned scrollbox thing to work. I rule.

Useless Stuff

2003-10-29T14:58:59Z

clonesscareme's Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 8
Average number of words per sentence:	17.05
Average number of syllables per word:	1.44
Total words in sample:	1790
Analyze your journal! Username:
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clonesscaremellium is an opaque, acidic red liquid derived from the liver of a vampire.
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Hmmm...

2003-10-28T23:50:07Z

I am highly tempted to put the entire journal into one of those scrollboxes then get rid of the main scrollbar. I'll have to wait until I get home though. As it is I have ten minutes before I have to leave for Italian.

Mwahahahaha

2003-10-28T23:48:12Z

I just had to make this journal. I had no choice. The voices in my head made me. Yep.

Seriously though, I adore the layout. Simple but awesome at the same time. Later on I'm gonna do some graphic adjustment but I don't have the time or resources right now. Until then, this is it.

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	clonesscareme
Your haiku:	it's not going to be time and reality it's strange how people worry
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Created by Grahame